Financial Wellness (aka Financial Therapy) is one of my specialties!
Money is more than just dollars and cents—it carries emotional weight, rooted in our need for safety and security. From a polyvagal perspective, our financial behaviors often stem from nervous system responses designed to protect us. Whether we’re saving, spending, or avoiding finances altogether, these patterns are not random; they’re deeply connected to our family of origin and the societal frameworks we grew up in.
Think about how your family handled money growing up. Did they openly discuss finances, or was it a taboo topic? Perhaps your caregivers modeled scarcity, where every purchase was scrutinized, or maybe money was used as a measure of success or love. These early experiences shaped your “money script”—a set of beliefs about finances that can feel as ingrained as muscle memory.
When these money scripts clash in a partnership, it’s no wonder the situation can feel like a battlefield. Consider a saver and a spender in a relationship. For one, saving may represent safety, while for the other, spending could symbolize freedom or joy. These beliefs often run so deep that challenging them can activate our nervous system’s fight, flight, or freeze responses. Instead of hearing your partner’s perspective, you might feel attacked, shut down, or compelled to argue.
Here’s where financial therapy intersects with polyvagal theory: understanding your nervous system’s cues can help you identify and regulate these reactions. The polyvagal theory teaches us that safety is the foundation for connection and communication. When financial disagreements arise, it’s not just about the money—it’s about feeling secure, heard, and understood.
In therapy, we explore the roots of your financial behaviors and help you rewrite those outdated scripts. For instance, if you learned that money is scarce, you might struggle to spend on yourself, even when it’s necessary. Together, we’ll identify where those beliefs come from and how they show up in your life and relationships. With practice, you can learn to shift from reactivity to curiosity—approaching money conversations with openness instead of defensiveness.
Challenging your money scripts isn’t easy, but it’s possible. With tools rooted in financial therapy and polyvagal theory, you can create a new narrative around money—one that fosters connection, understanding, and a sense of safety for yourself and your loved ones.